The big reveal

Hi, my name is Linn and I'm fat.

I haven't always been fat, but since puberty came and slapped me in the face I have become bigger and bigger for each passing year, basically. So what?
There is nothing wrong with being fat. I know this, you (should) know this. In my heart I know this, but in my mind... That's another story.
I don't care what people look like, if they're fat, skinny, light, dark, or in between, old, young, able, disabled, tattooed, freckly, whatever. I don't care. As a general rule, I don't really care what I look like either. Or, more accurately, I don't WANT to care. But, if I'm brutally honest, I do care what I look like.

Why do I care? Not because I want to, not because it makes me happy. Quite the opposite. I care because society tells me to care, all the time, everywhere. Thinking about my appearance makes me unhappy. Why does it make me unhappy? Take a fucking guess. It makes me unhappy because everything tells me that I am wrong. The media, TV, movies, magazines, books, commercials, fashion, stores - EVERYTHING that I see tells me that I am wrong.

First off: I'm a woman. That's my first and biggest mistake in life - not being a man. There's not a whole lot I can (or want to) do about that, so I try to manage as well as I can. Secondly, as previously stated, I am fat. I have big boobs, a big tummy, thick legs, flabby arms, and more than one chin.
Thirdly, and this is terrible!!!, I'M NOT ON A DIET.

This is the most awful thing a fat person can say or do. For some reason, not constantly dieting and trying to conform to society's expectations of what is an acceptable appearance (N.B. acceptable, not just desirable) makes people mad. Like full-out angry. Thin people be like:

HOW DARE YOU TRY TO BE OKAY WITH YOUR LOOKS?!?!?!

Some of you may be thinking "oh, she's exaggerating, people aren't usually that hateful or mean". Guess what? They are. So many people are. A while back, I posted a picture on Instagram of some Disney princesses, drawn to look fat. I wrote something along the lines of "When is Disney going to make movies about fat girls?". What I was aiming for is the chance for fat children to watch movies where fat people aren't constantly ridiculed and made out to be non-desirable (not in a sexy way, obvi, since I'm talking about kids' movies). I want there to be representation and recognition, for fat children to be the hero of a story for once, and not the butt of a joke.

What kind of comments do you think I received? One or two positive ones from body positive people, and then a shitload of angry, negative, hateful ones. People were saying things like "how dare you advocate against healthy behaviour", "saying that it is okay to be fat is child abuse", "this is as bad as going to schools telling children that it is good to smoke", "Disney princesses need to be able to ride horses, shoot arrows and stuff, fat people can't do that". One of the commenters was a woman who was studying to become a doctor. She was absolutely furious with me and my post, saying really mean things to me and about fat people. I also got a lot of comments from men, telling me their views on fat people. Like I asked for your fucking opinions? Douche bags.

For me, trying to be and love myself while society tells me I'm wrong is a constant struggle. I have low self-esteem, and I doubt myself and my worth on a daily basis. I try to work at my feelings of confidence and self-worth, but man, is it a steep hill or what?
I will blog more about being fat, fat shaming, body acceptance and body positivity in the future, because I have a lot to say on the subject. Now I'm off to play Skyrim, a place where I can do fantastic things that I can't do in real life, and where I am a strong, confident warrior woman!
Stay shiny people! :)

The List #1

Inspired by a fellow blogger, I was thinking that I should give this a shot.

The point is to write certain things about oneself every day for 30 days. Now, I know myself and know that I won't have the "ork" to do that, but I'll give it a (slow) go. Also, I won't be writing about all of these things, but I'll try to exchange the ones I don't want to write about with something else.

The list is, as follows:

1. List 20 random facts about yourself.
2. Describe 3 legitimate fears you have and explain how they became fears.
3. Describe your relationship with your parents.
4. List 10 things you would tell your 16 year-old self, if you could.
5. What are the 5 things that make you most happy right now?
6. What is the hardest thing you have ever experienced?
7. What is your dream job, and why?
8. What are 5 passions you have?
9. List 10 people who have influenced you and describe how.
10. Describe your most embarrasing moment.
11. Describe 10 pet peeves you have.
12. Describe a typical day in your current life.
13. Describe 5 weaknesses you have.
14. Describe 5 strengths you have.
15. If you were an animal, what would you be and why?
16. What are your 5 greatest accomplishments?
17. What is the thing you most wish you were great at?
18. What has been the most difficult thing you have had to forgive?
19. If you could live anywhere, where would it be and why?
20. Describe 3 significant memories from your childhood.
21. If you could have one superpower, what would it be and what would you do with it first?
22. Where do you see yourself in 5 years? 10 years? 15 years?
23. List your top 5 hobbies and why you love them.
24. Describe your family dynamic of your childhood vs. your family dynamic now.
25. If you could have dinner with anyone in history, who would it be and what would you eat?
26. What popular notion do you think the world has most wrong?
27. What is your favorite part of your body and why?
28. What is your love language?
29. What do you think people misundertand most about you?
30. List 10 things you would hope to be remembered for.

But like I said, we'll see what changes I make as I go along. I will, however, start with the first item on the list:

List 20 random facts about yourself

1. I have lived 24 years on this planet, but only 17 of them in Sweden. My first year was spent in Sweden, after that we moved to England, where we lived for about 6 months. After that we moved to Detroit in the US of A, stayed there for little over a year, and then moved to Munich, Germany. We spent 5 years in Munich before moving back to Sweden in 1996.
2. I have 8 piercings, or 9, depending on how you count. 5 earlobe, 1 nostril, 1 tongue and 1 industrial, which is a double piercing (hence the 9 holes).
   
   
   
3. I absolutely HATE any and all kinds of onion, except garlic, which I love.
4. During the Swedish equivalent to high school, I studied the Natural Resource Programme, which is a fancy way of saying that I went to a farming school. However, I did not study farming, but environmental care and nature conservation. Indeed.
5. I am what we in Swedish call a 'tidsoptimist' (really difficult to translate that one eh ;)). It's a curse, really.
   
   
6. My favourite colour is, shockingly enough, pink. However, I love all real colours (and by real I mean anything that isn't brown, beige or khaki) and am a very bright and colourful person.
7. I probably don't listen to the kind of music you think I listen to. Not that I know what you think, but I don't think you think that metal is my favourite music genre. Folk metal, viking metal, power metal, death metal, melodic metal...doesn't matter much which kind of metal it is, I will probably listen to and like it. I also LOVE Swedish punk and progg music, which is awesome and something worth checking out.
8. I LOVE fantasy and science fiction. Especially fantasy. I love fantasy in general, and Harry Potter in particular. So much so that I plan on getting at least one HP tattoo. AT LEAST. When I told my stepmother this, her reply was (and I quote) “Nerd.”...yeah, I guess I am.
9. My first name is Linn, but my nickname is Ninni. Most of my family and a friend or two calls me Ninni, although most of my friends call me Linn. Sometimes that feels a bit weird, since I feel like my real name is Ninni, but yeah, you can't argue with the fact that according to my ID my name is Linn. My father, on the other hand, mostly calls me Pinni. Also, I recently got a new nickname in school: The Wiz Kid. Love it.
10. My mother thinks I am insane, because I collect DVDs. I don't know how many I own at the moment, but last time I counted them, the number was easily above 300 (excluding TV show DVD boxes). And that was ... a while ago.
11. I also collect Disney mugs (like this one, for example). Because yes, I am a nerd. And a geek.
12. My favourite Disney movie is Peter Pan. Because it would be awesome to be able to fly and to never have to grow up. And because fairy dust is just amazing. My favourite non-Disney movie/s is/are The Lord of the Rings trilogy. Because, as I said, I love fantasy and I am a nerd. Apparently.
    
    
    
13. In April I am to become a godmother to my dear friend Vanessa's son. That's scary. And grown-up. Or, as I would say in Swedish, vuxet värre.
14. I love rainbows, and if I could I would have rainbow coloured hair. Yes, I would.
15. I hate sports, because bluuuuugghhhh! :P But I really love swimming, hiking, riding my bike and camping. I'm a nature person really, even though I get tired of it sometimes, and just want my cozy bed. I mean, come on, who doesn't love their bed?
16. Reading is, apart from watching movies and sleeping, my favourite hobby. J.K. Rowling, William Shakespeare, J.R.R. Tolkien, Christopher Paolini and Emma Hamberg are a few of my favourite authors.
17. I can wiggle my ears. Not a whole lot, like Dumbo or so, but good enough to notice. I can also make my nostrils flare really quickly. Booyah.
18. I am studying to become a teacher. Subjects: English and Swedish. Grades: 6-12 (according to the Swedish educational system, which means approx. ages 12-18). Out of 5 years of studying, I have little more than 1 year left.
19. I am “somewhat” addicted to chocolate and coca-cola. Especially chocolate. And coca-cola.
20. My sense of humour can, at best, be described as...juvenile. And British. For instance, I love Little Britain (I want that one!). I can also laugh heartily at flatulence (because honestly, farts ARE funny and if you don't agree you must be a singularly boring person). Monty Python is also one of those things that I always find funny. I share this opinion with my father. My dear stepmother (who is British) cannot understand why we think MP is funny. She claims, and I quote, that “It's so silly!”. Because yes, yes Julie, it is silly. And so are we. That's the whole point. Silly things are funny and you can't help but to laugh, giggle or chuckle.
    
    
    So yeah, perhaps you now know me a tad better than you used to. Or not. I mean, I don't know who reads this. But I could know, if you left me a comment. And yes, that is a blatant hint that I would enjoy receiving more comments.

Mulan - I'll make a man out of you

Captain Shang is so hot!

Hunkiest Disney character

So... instead of studying Sandra and I made a list: The hunkiest (male) Disney characters!

After much discussion this is what we decided.

3rd place goes to... (drum roll)

Tarzan!

You know you can't deny it, he IS hunky! He climbs trees, he fights off leopards and he saves damsels in distress. What more could you want?

2nd place goes to...

Captain Shang from 'Mulan'!

He is grumpy, he is Chinese and HE IS HOT!

He fought against the Huns and captured Mulan's heart as well as ours <3

And so we have reached 1st place, which goes to...

Kocoum from 'Pocahontas'

He is an indian warrior, promised Pocahontas' hand in marriage but the silly SILLY girl does not want him! Well, CLEARLY she did not deserve him. Sadly, he is killed by Thomas :(

I must admit I have a thing for native americans (which is why I think Bella should choose Jacob in the 'Twilight'-series)... *drooling*